If you are single, then attachment theory will teach you what to screen for in a partner. They can’t go without it for long and feel that the relationship is at stake without it.
Anxious one’s have no problem getting together, but are always need approval from their partner. Avoidant one’s start relationships but withdraw from intimacy. They have realistic expectations in a relationship and take ownership of their feelings. Secure people feel secure and comfortable with intimacy. The trick is in being skilfully dependent and to do so with a “secure” partner.Īttachment theory suggests that people fall into one of three attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant (a very small numer of people fall into a fourth category called the “anxious-avoidant”). A lot of co-dependency literature suggests that we should take responsibility for our feelings and that taking responsibility for others feelings may lead to ‘enmeshment’. While I still maintain that you should learn to meet your own needs, this book also taught me that being needy is normal. After all, who wants to be “needy” right? When you stop taking responsibility for others feeling, you might end up believing that everyone can independently meet their emotional needs. This has been one of the most important lessons of my life. We should not take responsibility to make someone feel better. Doing so, for instance when trying to please someone, can be a recipe for suffering. In my podcast, I have often said that we cannot control someone else’s feelings.
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